“Awkward moments in the bedroom happen to all of us,” Andrew Morrison-Gurza writes in a post published by Gay Times. “But when you have a disability they seem to come much more frequently.”
Morrison-Gurza has Cerebral Palsy, a congenital disorder that can impair movement, muscle tone and posture. As a result of his disability, he says navigating a sex life can sometimes be a “nightmare.”
“When the lights go down and the clothes come off, people’s real feelings are exposed,” he writes.
Morrison-Gurza recalls an incident he had with a man he met online.
“He turns, grabs my cock … and says: ‘Can you feel that?’ I look puzzled. ‘I just wanna make sure that you aren’t paralyzed there as well?’” he writes. “I understand that the guy was nervous; it was an unusual situation for him. But this is not something you say to someone in the throes of passion. I not so politely asked him to leave.”
Another time, Morrison-Gurza had a guy stop halfway through their lovemaking to say: “You’re just too beautiful and different to go any further with.”
“That wasn’t true,” he writes. “He didn’t want to admit that my disability was scaring the shit out of him. I remember pushing him off me. Only to then have to awkwardly ask him to help me get dressed and back in my chair.”
Yet another time, a guy asked Morrison-Gurza when his nurse would be arriving.
“He replaced sex chat with something more like a hospital examination,” he writes. “People seem to think that if you’re disabled, you can’t take care of yourself.”
Morrison-Gurza adds that while not every sexual encounter he’s had has ended uncomfortably, the majority of them have. He concludes with the following tidbit of advice:
“Awkward incidents like that are just the reality of my cerebral palsy. It changes the way the world is, and there’s no way around that. But what there is a way round is people’s reactions. You might be a bit confused about what you can and can’t say; about what’s politically correct for guys with disabilities.”
“But there’s a simple rule for this,” he says. “Don’t be a dick.”